In which we are made privy to a lack, a dream, and a curio. And inch, ever closer, to some interior shots of the actual apartment.
Many, many things have happened since the last blog post, any number of which could be blogabout-able. These include:
- A hunt for New York’s best pickle with Leda, John, and Jo. Ensuing discussions of the blog-worthiness of said event may have spawned an entirely new blog, written and moderated by Leda. If this turns out to be true, it may test your bloyalty* (* blog-loyalty)
- Morgan giving me a photo mission to what has been called “New York’s Strangest Building”. It wasn’t. It was “New York’s Building With A Metal Mesh-Enclosed Spiral Staircase On The Outside Front Facade”. I completed the mission in record time and ate “New York’s Largest Chocolate Danish That I Could Easily Find”, as just recompense.
- Thanksgiving
Finding myself confused as to what may or may not be of interest to others, I’m going to plow ahead with something which is guaranteed to have a miniscule fanbase: the Apartment Virtual Tour.
Our Elevator
We don’t have one. Which is totally cool with me because I remember reading something about how every time you walk up 3 flights of stairs you gain 3 minutes of life. This makes me think that my lifespan can easily be calculated by the formula: L = L(N) + S, where L is my predicted lifespan (in minutes), L(N) is my otherwise fated lifespan (in minutes) and S is the number of flights of stairs I have climbed. In reality, I’m sure that L is closer to L(N) + S + (60 * GB) – (8 * B2M) + .5($HP[G]) Where GB is the number of full body garlic baths you have taken, B2M is how many Boys II Men cd’s you own, and $HP is the amount of money you have donated to the Heifer Project, with a special bonus [G] if you ever bought someone a virtual goat for Christmas.
If we were to have an elevator, I would want it to look like this:
The Grunderveld 5000 i-Elevator
On a non-fictional note, our apartment also features a bizarre bit of tile work, found just under the main staircase, on the way to the laundry room:
Anarchy? Dyslexia? Backwards Day?
Some important features to note:
* The outline of the mosaic is like the State of Utah, turned backwards.
* U2A is, no joke, the accepted abbreviation for “urea to ammonia” conversion systems.
After extensive consultation with Willie, (a guy who may or may not work at the parking garage next-door, but who certainly does have a home theatre system that you could have “wicked cheap”,) I think the most likely explanation is that this is a signature Archie Yeltzer piece. Archie was a disgruntled ex-Mormon urologist who liked to kill snakes by putting them on railroad tracks. As such, it could probably fetch $32-$43.50 at auction.
Discovering this architectural gem/potential source of income made Morgan happy:
Lobby of Joy as demo-ed by Morgan
We are thinking of opening a chocolate danish stand, in case we start to get a spillover crowd from “New York’s Strangest Building”.
Up next: Our Long Hallway and The Little Kitchen That Could
Several things worth mentioning:
1. I have indeed started a blog, all thanks to you. I consider it not a rival blog, but a complementary one (though be sure to note Morgan’s lengthy contribution–score one for Leda in the eternal battle of spouse vs. best friend). Shameless blug (blog plug): http://doubleawk.wordpress.com/
2. Although I have never taken a full body garlic bath, I once owned two Boys II Men CDs, and I have given to the Heifer Project. I think I bought a virtual flock of ducks, though.
3. Forget virtual goats, I’m giving you a literal goat for Christmas. And it’s threatening to eat all of your chocolate danish. Upside? It will scare away the ghost-cat. But not Gita. She loves goats, hates ghosts. She told me so.
4. Thanks for finally mentioning me. It made the blog so much awesomer. FYI, New Yorkers and visitors, Guss’ Pickles at 85 Orchard Street was the winner of the Pickle-Off.
Waiting on the edge of my seat for the tour to get inside the apartment,
Leda
In this age of wit and humor filled with the pretenses of curiosity and good nature, I want to bring back an oldie but goodie that has kept me alive since I met earth.
It is called spite!
Blogs suck. U2A sucks. Bloggers are sucky.
(Pickles, danishes, and goats are actually cool).
Commenting on blogs is the loseriest thing any loser can lose at. Luckily, this will be recorded as a tie for me because of how cool I am compared to you as you read this, whoever you are.
Spite.
I fear that Colin has scared everyone away from your blog, or that you’re intimidated by my blawesomeness.
Either way, Colin and Heather need a couple’s blog, stat.
As I frequently waste time taking virtual tours of homes for sale in the seacoast of NH, I enjoy the apartment focus. I appreciate the episodic nature of the unveiling to build suspense. Next week will we meet the wacky, yet functional doormat, or the overused underappreciated doorknob?
As for doublewak’s comment…
Alas, Colin and I will never have a couple’s blog. We don’t live near any interesting elevators, I have little tolerance for the transposition of letters (Toys “R” Us drives me crazy), and Colin simply cannot express himself well in the written word.