Sabio Mancát Supreme Pet Confirmation Hearings Underway

Sabio Mancát and some dude in a tie

After weeks of speculation and rampant punditry, Supreme Pet Nominee, Sabio Mancát, appeared yesterday in front of the full U.S. Senate.  Mr. Mancát, who has dazzled the Faust/Noyes administration with his ability to turn everyday cat events, like sleeping and walking down stairs, into concussive blasts of pure cuteness, seemed relaxed and poised as he calmly batted a ball of aluminum foil around the Senate chambers.

Democratic Senator Harry Reid of Nevada was predictably laudatory in his opening remarks, stating that, “[Mr. Mancát] has proven that he can purr loudly in the hallowed Halls of Justice”.  He went on to describe Sabio’s “intense dedication to pursuing that fuzzy blue thing dangling on the end of the elastic cord” as well as his “decisive role in desegregating schools and getting the U.S. off the gold standard.”

A young Sabio Mancát experiments with cross-dressing

Debate was spirited, but even Sabio’s main detractors, Republican Senator Brian Staveley of Utah, and Independent House Representative Colin Woods of Ohio, were hard pressed to come up with any substantial reasons why confirmation should be delayed.  “Sometimes he hides under the couch,” grumbled Rep. Woods, “and then I can’t be loving him the way my heart wants to.”

“I just want the record to show that I think Sabio Mancát is a total pussy,” said Senator Staveley, “a shorthair, mottled gray pussy.”

Mr. Mancát at home

Though Mr. Mancát seems to have a penchant for controversial out-of-court statements – claiming that a “wise male cat” may be more suited to judge certain cases than “your run-of-the-mill mutt”, such proclamations seem to present few problems for an administration that, by its own admission, would “rather invite flesh-eating goats to share our bathtub than have a dog as a pet.”

If confirmed, Mancát would become only the third cat to hold the position of Supreme Pet during the Faust/Noyes era.  Long-standing Supreme Pet Gita has gone on record as saying that she looks forward to “licking Mr. Mancát’s head, sniffing warily around his tiny private litter box, and shedding inordinate amounts of hair together.  And also probably upholding Roe v. Wade.”