It seems like in the last 9 months, most people we know have had babies. In fact, baby-having has spread through our friendship torus* like a mysterious and wonderful case of the chicken pox on an elementary school playground. Sometimes we will be talking to someone on the phone and they will spontaneously gestate, give birth, and name their new kid after us, all within the span of minutes.**
*Friendship circles are so two-dimensional
**This is patently false. Everyone thus far has demonstrated a remarkable ability to name their children after people who are not us. Booooo, everyone.
In honor of Emily, Lucy, Cassidy, Miranda Rose, Amira, Quentin, Sidney, Liliane, Chloe, and all the other babies I am forgetting, the Music Bucket presents: Baby Daze – a high-concept mix where every song title has the word ‘baby’ in it. Download it here and now.
As a special added bonus feature, I recently scored a big interview with Morgan and used my time (wisely) to ask her to share her thoughts on babies. She showed up to our interview wearing Tyrolean jodhpurs and a boiled leather cuirass.
Is you is or is you ain’t my baby?
Is I is.
Do you think babies deserve the vote?
I don’t think babies deserve anything. They have to earn it like the rest of us – by living for eighteen years. But once they do that, yeah, sure.
What one thing would you change about babies and why?
I would make them pay for seats on planes and trains. Life is not a free bag of donuts for you to sit on, kids.
Were you ever a baby? If so, what was it like?
It was small. Actually, I can still put my toes in my mouth, so not too much has changed.
What advice do you have for babies?
Grow…and don’t bother with Season 3 of Veronica Mars. You have better things to do. Like paying into Social Security and thinking about who you’re going to vote for in 18 years.
What about baby corn?
I don’t buy it myself, but if someone else is serving it…. bottom line, I don’t want to be rude.
Why do you think babies refuse to talk to us?
Because we can eat sushi and do pilates whenever we feel like it and they are jealous. Get over it, babies.
Who’s bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
Mr. Bigger’s baby. He’s a little Bigger.
Who are your top 5 babies?
Baby Houseman, Baby Ruth, Baby Jessica, L’Enfant Terrible, and Baby (the one with the Three Men).
With that, Morgan hiked up her dolphin skin Mary Jane’s, tossed her worsted bolero coat over her shoulder, and strode imperiously into the living room, where we now have a date to watch the latest episode of “Lost”. Fin d’interviu.
This is my favorite EEPB interview with Morgan ever. However, I feel that I must question the journalistic integrity of the interviewer for the following reason: having made Morgan’s fashion a subject of intense scrutiny over the past howeverlong, I am certain that a woman of such impeccable sartorial abilities would not wear dolphin skin mary janes. She just wouldn’t.
We named ours after a character in a book you gave us. What more do we have to do? Seriously, you owe her fealty.
And we even put our baby’s future spiritual guidance in your care . . . bow down!
And Morgan? LOVE the top 5 babies!